Move over Jerome Bettis and Matt Hasselbeck, U.S. Soccer is trying to create a coin toss for the ages

D.C. United Coach Ben Olsen and Dwayne De Rosario, center, hoist the Lamar Hunt trophy as the team celebrates after defeating Real Salt Lake 1-0 in the U.S. Open Cup of Soccer final on Oct. 1, 2013 in Sandy, Utah. (Matt Gade/Associated Press via Deseret News)

Being that the Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup is the oldest soccer tournament in the United States, there have been many memorable moments. Like that time in 1999, when the 2nd-division Rochester Rhinos bested all the MLS teams to win the whole tournament. Or when D.C. United won it in 1996, their first year in the competition.


But nothing will ever compare to the moment we’ve all been waiting for, which arrives tomorrow at noon: The televised coin flip to decide who will host the tournament final. Pardon me while I clear my schedule. Of course, by “televised” we mean “on YouTube” and by “coin flip” we mean “thing nobody will watch.” (Though you can watch it here if you so choose.) Since you’re wondering, this happened last year as well, when the Philadelphia Union won, and hosted the final at PPL Park.

The four teams left are all MLS squads. It’s Chicago Fire versus Philadelphia Union on one side of the draw, and Sporting KC versus Real Salt Lake on the other. Unfortunately, this flip isn’t before or during gameplay, so we won’t get the usual treat of wondering if someone’s going to screw something up royally and cost a team a game, or make some outrageous claim in the huddle, only to immediately screw it up and lose.

The larger question here is what kind of production value will this have? Is U.S. Soccer genuinely expecting people to tune in for something that takes 10 seconds to decide? Is the ACTUAL U.S. Open Cup Final itself being televised anywhere where someone without a robust cable package can watch?
There’s something kind of adorable about this, though.

 Because in all honesty, for a tournament that needs a shot in the arm of any kind, this is the perfect kind of kitschy bit that will bring in soccer die-hards. Hopefully, they don’t take it too seriously and can goose up the cheese factor enough to at least make this funny for the viewer. I’d suggest something between the NBA Draft Lottery selection, where teams trot out celebrities, former players or owner’s children and, say, a UFC fight weigh-in, where representatives present themselves grandly for what is ultimately over in the blink of an eye.
God bless you, U.S. Soccer. If even one person alters their lunch schedule Wednesday to tune in to this made-for-the-Internet event, you can call this venture a success.